I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
