he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
