I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
