Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
