insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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