Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
