don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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