Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
