so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
