cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
