i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Text me some of your sweat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
