I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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