I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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