the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
