i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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