The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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