Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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