So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
