After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize