u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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