Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
