Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
