Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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