Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
