you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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