My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
