I am puke
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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