Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
