you traded sex for a burrito?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
