Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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