i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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