mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
