Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
