Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
