I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
