i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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