Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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