I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
