Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
