I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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