Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
