Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
