so that wasnt chicken after all
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worst night to have a conscience
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
