chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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