she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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