If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
