This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
