you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
