As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize