Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize