Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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