sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
