Plan B is the new Plan A
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
