How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
