Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
