I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
