Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
