i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
