happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
