Define "chronic" masturbator.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
