My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
