best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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