I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
