coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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