He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
