what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How's work?
Spinning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
