Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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