my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You took a bar mat shot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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