I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize